EPISODE 31: GROWING UP IN A CHRISTIAN CULT AND HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR IN LIFE WITH MELISSA WEST

EPISODE 31: GROWING UP IN A CHRISTIAN CULT AND HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR IN LIFE WITH MELISSA WEST

* Please Note - Some links in this post may be affiliate links *

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today on the podcast I have invited confidence and self-worth coach Melissa West to come on and share her story of what it was like to grow up in a Christian cult, and how she found the courage to overcome her fears to leave and follow her dreams.

For over 30 years, Melissa lived in a Christina cult with no voice or power. Living under the rule of her father, Melissa was physically and mentally abused, scared, and trapped. Today, through her coaching services, she help women and those who are tired of living in fear overcome self-doubt, build confidence and find their worth so they can live their life boldly too.

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CHECK OUT THESE OTHER PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY ENJOY!

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Today on the podcast we are going to be talking about Melissa’s experience growing up in Christian cult, signs of religious brainwashing, how to overcome fear in life, reconstructing personal beliefs, forgiveness and healing.

To learn more about Melissa - CLICK HERE

I hope you enjoy this episode about how to overcome fear in life as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below!

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

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- ADDITIONAL RESOURCES -

Interested in taking Melissa’s ‘Grown Ass Woman’ 90 days course to release fear & guilt, embrace your worth & live boldly? CLICK HERE

For more information on ‘White Fragility’ Melissa recommends checking out BeTheBrdige.Com

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- Where To Find Melissa Online -

INSTAGRAM ▶ @melissalyonwest
WEBSITE ▶ https://melissalyonwest.com

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If you have any comments or questions about this episode regarding Melissa’s experience of growing up in a Christian Cult, signs of religious brainwashing, how to overcome fear in life , reconstructing personal beliefs, forgiveness and healing, feel free to leave them below!

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EPISODE 22: THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SOCIAL MEDIA WITH JESSICA MANN

EPISODE 22: THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF SOCIAL MEDIA WITH JESSICA MANN

* Please Note - Some links in this post may be affiliate links *

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today on the podcast I have a dear friend and absolute powerhouse of a woman joining me, Jessica Mann AKA The Blonde Mann.

For those who don’t know Jessica, she is a beauty and lifestyle creator on Instagram who also currently resides in Toronto. Guided by vulnerability, Jessica connects with her audience through authentic storytelling and creating raw beauty tutorials. She’s also one of the funniest people I know! So, even if you don’t share the same love for makeup, her personality is hard to resist and you can’t help but be drawn to her.

Further, Jessica also knows the importance of building beauty from the inside out and strives to create a community built on trust, long-lasting internet friendship, vulnerability, and realness.

The reason why I asked Jessica to come on the podcast is because she, like me, knows what it’s like to get wrapped up in social media and the toxic dangers that can come from it. Since she is also an advocate of mental health I thought she would make a great guest to talk about the impact of social media and have a depression chat.

I have shared previously on the podcast about my struggles with playing the comparison game and putting my self worth and value into the hands of others and I know she’s no stranger to those destructive patterns and the negative impacts of social media as well.

Today on the podcast we are going to be talking about Jessica and I’s a personal experience with the effects of social media on our mental health, the trials and tribulations of cultivating a better relationship with social media, and the importance of self-love.

To learn more about Jessica, check out her YouTube channel HERE.

I hope you enjoy this episode about the negative effects of social media and how to cultivate a better relationship with it as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below and share how you are being an advocate of mental health in your community!

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

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- Where To Find Jessica Online -

INSTAGRAM ▶ @theblodnemann
WEBSITE ▶ www.theblondemann.com
YOUTUBE ▶ @theblondemann

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If you have any comments or questions about this episode on the impact and negative effects of social media , feel free to leave them below!

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EPISODE 17: MOOD BOOSTERS WITH ANDY DE SANTIS

EPISODE 17: MOOD BOOSTERS WITH ANDY DE SANTIS

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today on the podcast I have invited dietitian, blogger, and author Andy De Santis to come on the show and share with us some of the latest research around mood boosters.

‘Mood boosters’ for those who have never heard the term, are supplements that you can take to help boost your mental health. They are in no way ‘a quick fix’ or ‘the solution to all your problems’ but they can be a great way to further support your health and overall wellness routine.

I first became interested in talking with Andy after he approached me with some new research around the power of Omega 3’s and their potential in helping reduce anxiety, and I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be great to have him on the show to talk about mood boosters and share with us some of the latest research within that realm.’

Personally, I dabbled with different mood boosters like Vitamin D and CBD, and have found them both to be very helpful when it comes to my anxiety and depression, but I have never really looked into the research and findings behind clinical trials. Further, I know from one of our previous episodes that there is research linking the state of your gut health to depression so I’m not surprised by the possible potential of omega 3’s and how our diet can impact the state of our mental health.

Andy is a private practice dietitian, blogger, and author from Toronto, Canada. He graduated from the University of Toronto School Of Public Health and holds a master's degree in public health nutrition. Having written six books, Andy's interests in the world of nutrition are far-reaching and include the interaction between specific nutrients and mental health. When he isn't writing or helping people one on one, Andy loves nothing more than to crack a few food-inspired jokes on his Instagram account.

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below!

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

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- Additional Resources -

1. A randomised controlled trial of dietary improvement for adults with major depression (the ‘SMILES’ trial)

2. Food for Mood: Relevance of Nutritional Omega-3 Fatty Acids for Depression and Anxiety

3. Association of Use of Omega-3 Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids With Changes in Severity of Anxiety Symptoms

4. Efficacy of omega-3 PUFAs in depression: A meta-analysis

5. Use of cannabidiol in anxiety and anxiety-related disorders

6. Healthy dietary indices and risk of depressive outcomes: a systematic review and meta-analysis of observational studies

7. Current Understanding of Gut Microbiota in Mood Disorders: An Update of Human Studies

8. Effect of Long-term Vitamin D3 Supplementation vs Placebo on Risk of Depression or Clinically Relevant Depressive Symptoms and on Change in Mood Scores

9. Fish consumption and risk of depression: a meta-analysis

10. 5-HTP efficacy and contraindications

11. Effect of nicotine and nicotinic receptors on anxiety and depression

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- Where To Find Andy Online -

WEBSITE ▶ andytherd.com
INSTAGRAM ▶ @andytherd
AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE ▶ amazon.com/author/andyrd

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EPISODE 16: #BLACKLIVESMATTER, WHITE PRIVILEGE AND HOW TO BE A BETTER ALLY WITH SARAFINA ARTHUR WILLIAMS

EPISODE 16: #BLACKLIVESMATTER, WHITE PRIVILEGE AND HOW TO BE A BETTER ALLY WITH SARAFINA ARTHUR WILLIAMS 

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today on the podcast I have invited wellness psychologist and founder of Intentional Simplicity, Sarafina Arthur Williams to come on and educate us on the state of mental health in the BIPOC community, what white privilege is and how we can use it to help people of colour by being better allies.

The reason why I ask Sarafina to come on the show was because, even prior to the Black Lives Matter Protest this past summer and the death of George Floyd, I had listened to one or two conversations around white privilege and how to have conversations with people in marginalized groups about race, but it wasn’t until I sat back, muted myself and actively started to listen, that I notice how ignorant I was to ‘the black experience’, their history of oppression and injustice, and the place they hold on social media.

As someone who has black friends and even black relatives, I admit I have never tried to have conversations with them around race but this experience made me realize that maybe I should.

Even after examining my own social media feed, which was filled with predominant white faces it also made me ask myself, ‘How I expect to learn more about people in marginalized groups if I don’t show interest in people’s experiences that are different then my own.’

Further, since I have a particular interest in mental health, it worried me how, with all that is going on in the world, the BIPOC community is doing in terms of taking care of their mental health and if they are even able to get the help they need because:
1) you usually have to pay out of pocket for anything mental health related which can be a deterrent or barrier to seeking help and,
2) less than 2 % of mental health care practitioners are Black or African American and how can you expect those who need help to get proper help when those available to give it aren’t culturally competent enough to treat and understand specific issues as they relate to the black experience.

And so that is why I wanted Sarafina to come on and talk with us, because not only has she lived the black experience but she is a masters level psychologist who can relay her first hand insights and experience of growing up in the black community along with knowledge on the state of it’s mental health.

Sarafina Arthur-Williams is the CEO and founder of Intentional Simplicity LLC, a wellness-based mental health private practice. As a wellness psychologist and creative consultant, she educates her clients and mental health practitioners about positive psychology, art therapy, and the value of wellness and mindfulness. She is ranked on Feedspot’s top psychology bloggers of 2020 and features as a guest speaker on a variety of mental health platforms. To encourage sustainability, Sarafina documents how she practices wellness in her daily life through her online presence.

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below!

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

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- BIPOC Mental Health Statistics -

• Black and African American teenagers are more likely to attempt suicide than White teenagers (9.8 percent v. 6.1 percent).

• 16% (4.8 million) of Black and African American people reported having a mental illness, and 22.4% (1.1 million people) reported a serious mental illness over the past year.

• Serious mental illness (SMI) rose among all ages of Black and African American people between 2008 and 2018.

• Binge drinking, smoking (cigarettes and marijuana), illicit drug use and prescription pain reliever misuse are more frequent among Black and African American adults with mental illnesses.

• Black and African American people are more often diagnosed with schizophrenia and less often diagnosed with mood disorders compared to white people with the same symptoms.
  Additionally, they are offered medication or therapy at the lower rates than the general population.

• Black and African American people are over-represented in our jails and prisons. Black and
  African American people make up 13 percent of the general U.S. population, but nearly 40 percent of the prison population. In 2016, the imprisonment rate for Black and African American men (2,417 per 100,000 Black male residents) was more than 6 times greater than that for white men (401 per 100,000 white male residents) and the imprisonment rate for Black and African American women (97 per 100,000 Black and African American female residents) was almost double that for white women (49 per 100,000 white female residents). [13] Black and African American people with mental health conditions, specifically those involving psychosis, are more likely to be in jail or prison than people of other races.

• Because less than 2 percent of American Psychological Association members are Black or African American

• 11.5 percent of Black and African Americans, versus 7.5 percent of white Americans were still uninsured in 2018.

• In 2018, 58.2 % of Black and African American young adults 18-25 and 50.1 % of adults 26-49 with serious mental illness did NOT receive treatment

- Stats From Mental Health America - https://www.mhanational.org/issues/black-and-african-american-communities-and-mental-health

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- Additional Resources -

1. 21-Day Racial Equity Habit Building Challenge

2. Talking about Race with Children

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- Where To Find Sarafina Online -

WEBSITE ▶ Www.LiveIntentionallySimplistic.Com
INSTAGRAM ▶ @intentional_simplicity_llc
FACEBOOK ▶ @intentionalsimplicityllc

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EPISODE 15: HOW TO HAVE HARD CONVERSATIONS

EPISODE 15: HOW TO HAVE HARD CONVERSATIONS

* Please Note - Some links in this post may be affiliate links *

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

For today’s episode, I thought I would do a little solo show and talk about one theme that I feel has been brought up time and time again throughout the first half of this season. They are situation that occurs in everyone’s life where tough topics need to be discussed and although we may hate to have discussions about them, they are a necessary part of life. So that is why I thought I’d devote today’s episode to developing a playbook oh how to make having them a little bit easier.

If you hate conflict and avoid it as much as possible, know that you are not alone. According to a Harvard Business Review, 67% of managers are uncomfortable talking to the people they manage - and that’s literally their job. However, it is important to understand that conflict avoidance robs you of your energy, power, and emotional freedom, and does not serve you in any way which is why learning how to get conformable having hard conversations is the only way to find relief from a stressful situation!

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below!

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

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- Episode Recap -

1. Learning to sit with yourself and comb through your thoughts - be honest with yourself and acknowledge the need for the conversations

2. Prep!

   • define your ideal outcome

   • rehearse with a friend

   • choose your language wisely

   • watch your body language

3. Set ground rules

   • allow each other time to speak while the other listens - no interrupting!

   • name calling, throwing objects, and swearing are off-limits

   • allow time out or the ability to initiate a pauses

4. Be okay with possibly being wrong - You may have misinterpreted the situation or have the wrong information and therefore things aren’t as black and white as you may have originally thought, and that’s okay.

5. Be honest and straightforward - use specific examples making sure to watch your tone and the words you use so you don't come off accusatory.

6. Acknowledge your responsibilities and avoidance in dealing with the conflict sooner

7. Be empathetic, listen and validate - this doesn’t mean you have to agree or change the point you are trying to make, it just makes them feel like they are an even playing field and are able to be heard too.

8. Make sure not to:

   • dominate the conversation

   • jump in to fill silence

   • interrupt when they are talking

9. If the conversation starts going sideways, reiterate the reason why you are having the conversation - to maintain mutual respect and problem solve so you can improve the relationship and both of your lives.

10. It’s okay to disappoint people

    • set boundaries if you need to

11. Stick to your target - as you near the end of the conversation restate your point and offer a possible solution

    • brainstorm steps together on how to achieve the solution

12. Ask questions to make sure they understood everything discussed

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- Episode Sources -

1. Harvard Business Review - Two Thirds Of Managers Are Uncomfortable Communicating with Employees

2. Forbes - How To Have Difficult Conversations At Work

3. Oprah - How to Have a Hard Conversation in 7 Steps

4. Psychology Today - How to Have Difficult Conversations

5. Fatherly.com - Why Cars Are The Best Place to Have Tough Conversations with Kids

6. Parenting Across the Gap: Raising Teens in the 21st Century - By Famlily Pyschologist Fred Peipman, Ph.D.

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EPISODE 14: HOW ELLIA MARCUM FOUND HER STRENGTH TO DEAL WITH THE AMBIGUOUS LOSS OF HER FATHER, AN ALCOHOLIC MOTHER, AND WORK THROUGH HER HUSBANDS MARITAL AFFAIR

EPISODE 14: HOW ELLIA MARCUM FOUND HER STRENGTH TO DEAL WITH THE AMBIGUOUS LOSS OF HER FATHER, AN ALCOHOLIC MOTHER AND WORK THROUGH HER HUSBANDS MARITAL AFFAIR

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today, I have invited mother, wife, daughter and certified mental health coach Ellia Marcum, to come on the podcast to tell us her life story of how she overcame extremely difficult circumstances and personal traumas.

I was first introduced to Ellia when she reached out to me to tell me her story of healing and growth after growing up with an alcoholic mother, experiencing the ambiguous loss of her father, and battling through a betrayal trauma after her husband had a marital affair.

I knew as she ended her story and began to tell me about the reasons why she started her company Mood|Well, that she needed to come on the podcast because much like Myles story in Episode 11, hearing someone be so open, honest and self aware gives us all the courage to face our own personal shame and trauma; and I want to continue to empower this community to talk about what they are going through and express themselves so that we can all overcome barriers holding us back from finding our true purpose and source of happiness. So, here we are!

Ellia Marcum is a Certified Professional Life Coach, a support group facilitator through A Door of Hope, and Mental Health First Responder and Coach. She owns and operated her own business, Mood|Well, where she helps women heal and cope from mental illness and life crises through one-on-one sessions and support groups.

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! Feel free to leave your thought below!

- RESOURCES -

1. CALL 211 - Or visit https://www.211.org/services/crisis if you are in the United States

2. Crisis Service Canada

3. Is That Soh Podcast Mental Health Toolbox Episode

4. CheckPointOrg - A global resource for local crisis websites and emergency contact Numbers

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma By Bessel van der Kolk M.D

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- WHERE TO FIND ELLIA ONLINE -

WEBSITE ▶ Www.MoodWellCoaching.Org
INSTAGRAM ▶ @Mood.Well_Coaching

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EPISODE 12: THE DANGEROUS DOWNSIDE TO PERFECTIONISM WITH J. STAMATELOS

EPISODE 12: THE DANGEROUS DOWNSIDE TO PERFECTIONISM WITH J. STAMATELOS

Hello Friends and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today on the podcast, I have invited author, researcher, and coach J. Stamatelos to come on and talk about the dangerous downsides to perfectionism and the importance of self-compassion.

I first became interested in talking with J. after reading an article he wrote about perfectionism, which I thought was both insightful and full of interesting research. I knew after reading it that I just had to ask him to come on the podcast because not only do I think the need to be perfect and perfectionism are on the rise but it can actually be very crippling and incredibly destructive to a person's self-worth.

For those who don’t know J, prior to becoming a coach, he began his career in counter-terrorism and emergency response. Eventually, in his mid 20’s he started to experience internal struggles around chronically feeling “not enough”. After it almost cost him his life, J. began to notice that practically everyone around him was also struggling with the same feelings. Viewing this as a far bigger problem than terrorism, he decided to dedicate himself to discovering why so many people feel this way and what we can do about it.

After years of personal experimentation, working with clients, and digging into the research behind these issues, he has compiled his findings in a book succinctly titled, “Enough.” Spanning everything from how we were raised to economic changes in our society, J outlines why recent generations have experienced a surge in what he calls “anxious insecurity.” More importantly, he also outlines what changes we can make to break these cycles in our own lives.

Today, J. specializes in working with high-achievers who battle with feeling like they’re not enough and helps them overcome their biggest obstacle, themselves.

Also, special thanks to Mattias Friberg for composing the music for this podcast and perfecting my sound!

Author, researcher, and coach J. Stamatelos

- RESOURCES -

1. Download the Perfectionism Study By Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill

2. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind To Yourself by Kristen Neff

3. Research on Self-Compassion By Dr. Kristen Neff

4. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson

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WHERE TO FIND J. STAMATELOS

WEBSITE ▶ Www.JamesjStamatelos.com
INSTAGRAM ▶ @InnerStrengthCoach
LINKED IN ▶ James J. Stametelos

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EPISODE 9: BREAKING HABITS OF SELF SABOTAGE BY UNDERSTANDING SHAME

EPISODE 9: BREAKING HABITS OF SELF SABOTAGE BY UNDERSTANDING SHAME

Hello and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast

Today on the podcast I wanted to talk to you about why we self-sabotage and how by understanding shame, we can break habits that hold us back from believing we are capable of achieving what we want.

The reason why I wanted to talk to you about these topics is because I personally haven’t really been feeling so great lately and it reminded me that a lot of people struggle with this exact thing. Since I was doing the research and going on my own little self-help binge anyways, I decided that it would be useful to also share the information I found with you too so you can better understand your own self-sabotage habits and do what you can to free yourself from what is inevitably holding you back.

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“A secret only has power if you keep it a secret.”

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Have you ever heard the expression ‘a secret only has power if you keep it a secret’? Well, that is how shame, fear, self-doubt, and regret thrive. They make you question yourself and eat away at your confidence until you begin to self-sabotage your progress until eventually you just give up

Why do people self-sabotage?

• A low sense of self-worth - Ironically a lot of people feel they are undeserving of success and happiness and use work to make up for inadequacies they see in themselves. These people hate themselves so much that they overwork themselves until they have no one close around them or are burnt out because deep down they think they are unworthy of true happiness.

• Control - Sometimes it feels better to have control over your own failure rather than face the possibility of it blindsiding you and taking you by surprise. Self-sabotage is never a fun thing to do, but it can feel better than spinning out of control for some people.

• Imposter syndrome - feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evidence of past success or external proof of being competent. This can result in someone doing the bare minimum and putting the least amount of effort into something so they can act like it doesn’t mean that much to them or if a person is still finding your footing and feel unsure of your own capabilities, they question whether they are smart enough for the job and torture themselves with the possibility of being humiliated when it all becomes revealed to the world that they can’t cut it.
  
  I think imposter syndrome is quite common in today’s society. We always want instant success, instant gratification, instant praise when really we need to give ourselves time to learn, adapt, and grow before we can really start to feel comfortable with our capabilities especially when starting a new role.

Photo By Samuel Elias Nadler

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“I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

- Thomas Edison after inventing the lightbulb,

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Instant success is as probable as winning the lottery and most people have to fail multiple times before they can find the right formula for success. Instead, learn to normalize failure as an opportunity to grow instead of a limit to a person’s abilities.

• Needing a scapegoat - Its easier to pawn off your failure by saying, ‘well, I never paid attention in class’ instead of ‘I didn’t understand the material’ or ‘my boss plays favorites’ instead of ‘I failed to show I was more capable for the job’. Using scapegoats are an easy way for people to brush off their own failures or willingness to address and recorrect their own behaviors.

• Lack of motivation - you have a list of stuff you need to do but instead, procrastinate until it becomes too late to get any of it done. A lack of motivation is also how we find excuses for focusing on other things besides the task at hand like needing to clean your apartment or folding laundry before you can actually sit down and get to work.

  I know I’m often guilty of doing all the little, easy stuff on my ‘to-do list’ first instead of investing my time on bigger tasks that would actually move the needle forward because they seem so daunting. This often tends to lead to the feeling of being perpetually stuck in one place because I’m ‘faking productivity’. I’m not actually doing anything productive to achieving my goals, I’m only maintaining what I have done so far, which perpetuates this vicious cycle of lacking further motivation because I’m not seeing any progress.

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Connection is why we are here. The ability to feel a connection is what drives us as a society. We have this innate desire to stay connected our biggest fear and where shame thrives, is the worry of becoming disconnected.

Here is the thing about shame though, it loses its power when you talk about whatever it is that is causing you to feel the shame in the first place because, at its core, shame requires you to believe you are alone in order for it to maintain its power.

Photo by Perry Grone

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“Most people associate being vulnerable with weakness, uncertain risk, and exposure but in truth it’s about daring greatly.”

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if we embrace the fact that no body is perfect, and begin to understand that being imperfect is not a curse but completely natural, then we can find the courage to share and see the beauty in rawness. There is courage in saying our truth and there is an opportunity for relief from internal struggle. If you can rewire out brains so that we can believe that what makes you vulnerable also makes you beautiful then it becomes a lot easier to accept parts of ourselves the once filled us with shame.

Sure it may not be comfortable to share but its also not suppose to be easy. That’s after all how shame keeps its power. It is banking on the fact that you will take the easier route. Talking about how you are felling, saying it aloud, sharing your fears not only makes it easier to expose what is really holding you back but also frees you from the power they had over you. Learning to embracing imperfection also believe it or not, makes you more relatable and beautiful because it gives you an opportunity to connect with others through a shared experience which can give you a sense of belonging.

Through empathy we can actually connect better with other. We can build connections, feel less alone, find acceptance for ourselves and more importantly move forward away from our deepest fears. We are able to turn to ourselves and finally say, ‘I am capable’, ‘I am deserving,’ and ‘I am enough’. Three statements shame tries to destroy in us if we let it.

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“Shame needs three things to grow exponentially - secrecy, silence, and judgment. And when we numb vulnerability, we are also numbing joy, gratitude, happiness, purpose, creativity, a sense of belonging, love, and meaning.” - Brené Brown

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if you can find the courage to embrace your vulnerability, to be imperfectly authentic, to talk about what you are scared of, you also open the door to beauty, growth, and healing and that is how you move forward when that little tiny voice in your head tells you, you can’t.

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OTHER HELPFUL RESOURCES

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY - 5 Ways To Stop Self Sabotaging Yourself

ENTREPRENEUR.COM - 8 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Success

TALK SPACE - 4 Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging (+ How to Stop)

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All right, so there you have it. Everything I know to help you better understand shame and why you may be self-sabotaging as well as why it’s important to embrace vulnerability and share what your feeling with others. If you have any comments about this episode please feel free to leave them in the comment section below and I hope everyone has a great week embracing vulnerability and I’ll see you again next Monday! CIAO!

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EPISODE 5: HOW TO ATTRACT THE RIGHT PARTNER

EPISODE 5: HOW TO ATTRACT THE RIGHT PARTNER

Hello and welcome back to the Is That Soh Podcast!

Today I am coming to you from the comforts of my at-home walk-in closet which I have now dubbed COVID studios. LOL

In today’s episode, I wanted to talk to you about relationships and how to attract the right partner.

Obviously, relationships can play a huge role in a person’s mental health and so I think today’s topic is one that many of us can relate to.

Even if you are in a relationship, there will probably be some solid insights and good reminders in this episode to help you approach your current relationship in a healthier way, so please be open-minded.

All right?! Beautiful! Let’s get started!

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“I feel like everyone is trying to find or attract their twin flame without realizing that you have to make sure you are burning first, that you are a flame, that you’re own self worth and self-value are high, that you love yourself first. Then THEY will find YOU. Find yourself first. No one is attracted to ashes.”

— Jordan Flesher

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Obviously you want a partner that brings out the best in you but attracting the right partner actually has more to do with how you treat and honor yourself than it does with finding that perfect person that clicks with you. First, you need to work on yourself and make your flame bright before you can attract a partner. How do you do this? Well, the key to attacking the right partner is to first establish your own self worth and confidence.

Self Worth and Confidence:

• Be good at something - people are naturally attracted to people who are successful and motivated. If you have something going for you that you are really good at, people will admire the dedication and skills you have. Having something that means something to you, that you pursue seriously and do really well at, is going to give you confidence and be a source of self-worth.
  
  

• Laugh at yourself - being confident and having self-worth also means you can acknowledge your own quirks and laugh at them. Being able to laugh and not take yourself so seriously makes you fun to be around and will make everyone enjoy your company even more!
  
  

• Respect yourself, take care of your health, put yourself together, be productive - practicing self-love is not only good for your mental health but it will help you build up your self-worth. Taking the time to put yourself together and implement healthy practices like working out, setting boundaries and being productive will help you build up both self-worth and confidence.
  
  

• Have your own life and don’t make yourself always available - this is a big one because when we are excited about something, we tend to want to jump headfirst into it but in order to maintain the self-worth and confidence that you have worked so hard on building up, you also have to learn to set boundaries.

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A couple years ago, I wrote an article for Valentine's Day for one of the online publications I write for, and the whole article was based on rules of dating I learned from a book that I read by Sherry Argov called ‘Why Men Love Bitches” (click here to read the full article). The whole book is about establishing boundaries when dating as a way to maintain your own self worth and confidence. It’s actually a great book that I highly recommend everyone read, boy or girl, especially if you are not good at dating or even just want a refresher.

By Sherry Argov

Sherry Argov's Why Men Love Bitches delivers a unique perspective as to why men are attracted to a strong woman who stands up for herself. With saucy detail on every page, this no-nonsense guide reveals why a strong woman is much more desirable than a "yes woman" who routinely sacrifices herself.

Two simple concept that I learned from this book that can help you along with setting boundaries are:

• If you act like you’re capable of doing everything, you get stuck doing everything. The key lesson here being if you start to feel like you are giving more than you are receive, the power dynamic has changed and not in your favour… instead, do less. Don’t act upset just don’t give in to any more of their request and don’t go out of your way to help them anymore. If you want to be treated as an equal you must set that boundary and enforce them.

• Actions speak louder than words - an expression that has literally stood the test of time. Why? Simply, because of how much truth can be found in it. A wolf in sheep’s clothing always makes themselves known quickly through their actions. Ignoring these red flags are dangerous! That is why it is important to paying attention to a person’s actions more than their words and set boundaries as to what you will accept.

I know getting to the point where you are brimming with self-worth and confidence isn’t going to be easy but nothing worth having is. By concentrating on yourself and building yourself up, you are investing in your own value and will intern stop allowing people unworthy of your time to distract you from this effort. You will also not allow people who want to take advantage of what you have going on or that don’t take your time seriously, from disrespecting you. If you are capable of accomplishing this you should have no problem attracting the right kind of partner and building a relationship with them on a solid foundation of mutual respect. There really is no secret to dating, it all starts with you and how you show up and honor yourself.

All right, well I hope you walked away from today with some fresh insights and I just wanted to let you know that you can still sign up for my mental health challenge if you haven’t already!

If you have any questions about today’s episode feel free to leave a comment below or slide them into my DM. I wish you all a pleasant week and I look forward to catching up again next week!

Bye!

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